A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her, she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested. When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was..."When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement that read "Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins." Then she moved under the one that read "Sloan's Liniment Removes Swelling." I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "Williams Stick Did the Trick," then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident."

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Entry to Heaven

Three men; a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."

The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings,"

With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.

"Then, go to Hell!"

With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!"

With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.

"Then, go to Hell!"

With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!"

The Devil brought forward a chair.

"Drill 7 holes on the seat."

The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"

The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."

"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole." And the idiot went to Heaven...

Hard Work

Banta went into a bar ordered a double whiskey. He was there, sipping his drink when Santa came up and said, "Is that you Banta?"

Banta said, "My name is Banta, but I don't think I know you."

Santa said, "Sure you do, its me, Santa. We used to work at the same office together before it closed down."

Banta said, "Now I remember you, but what happened to you? You are all in scruffy clothes. We got good money when we were laid off. What happened?"

Santa said, "I blew it all on cars, women and drink. I'm totally broke now, but look at you, Banta. All the best clothes and I've seen your swell car outside. How did you do it?"

Banta said, "Well I wanted to make my money work for me. So I thought if you have some money, Mumbai is the best place to do that. I bought a three-story house. On the first floor there was ordinary sex - just men and women. On the second floor homo sex - you know, men screwing men, and on the third floor paedophile sex for those who like children. I must say I made a fortune. Mind you it was hard work - just me, the wife, and the kids."

Assinine aspirations!

Two asses met in a market; one ass asked the other, 'Why have you become so weak and sullen, doesn't your owner treat you well?'

The other ass replied, 'No, my owner makes me work throughout the day and does not give me any food. He is very cruel.'

The first ass said, 'Why don't you leave his house and run away?'

The other ass replied: 'No, I shall not leave his house even if he tortures me, because my owner's daughter is very pretty. Whenever she does any mistake, my owner always abuses her saying that, "One day I will get you married to this donkey", I am waiting for that day to come.'

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