The Indian Career Song - 8 stages
1. When in college : Hum honge kaamyaab, Hum honge kaamyaab ek din.....
2. When giving interview to Multi National Company: Tu hi re.. Too hi re ....tere binaaa main kaise jiyunn....
3. Waiting for interview result: Intehaa ho gai Intzaarki.. aayi naaa kuch khabar mere yaar ki...
4. Just joined: Too cheez badi hai mast mast.....
5. After some time: Ye kahaan aa gaye hum??
6. After some more time: Naa koi umang hai, naa koyi tarang hai, meri jindagi ek kati Pathang hai
7. Floating the resume: kabootar ja ja ja... kabootar ja ja ja... pehele pyar ki peheli chitthi...
8. Finally when you don't get a better offer any longer: Jeena Yehaan, marna Yehaan iske siwa Jaana Kahaa..!!
Right person in the right chair
How to put the right person in the right chair?
Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair? If yes, try this simple experiment.
Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation:
If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks - PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING.
If they are arranging the bricks in some other order - PUT THEM IN PLANNING.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other - PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.
If they are sleeping - PUT THEM IN SECURITY.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces - PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.
If they are sitting idle - PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.
If they have thrown the bricks out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.
If they are clinging onto the bricks - PUT THEM IN TREASURY.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has moved - PUT THEM IN SALES.
If they have already left for the day - PUT THEM IN MARKETING.
If they are staring out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE EXPORT.
AND last but not least..........
If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved - PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT
More Office Jokes
The Indian Career Song - 8 stages
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."
"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says "You must be a manager."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."
SOME WORK RELATED LESSONS
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, that the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
The Morals of this story:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!