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Rocking Sex

Rocking Sex

Two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening.

The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting, and for hundred bucks I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."

The old lady looked surprised, but didn't say a word.

The old man continued, "For 300 bucks I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for 500 bucks I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."

The old lady still says nothing, but after a couple minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled 500 rupee note and holds it up.

"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.

"Get serious," she replies. "I want it five times in the rocking chair!"




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Big Bang

A guy got his date out on a country road and pretended to run out of gas hoping to make out.

She wasn't going for it and said she had a $100 bill in her purse and she'd buy gas, but he'd have to walk to town to get it. He said he had to pee first.

While he was peeing she decided to light a match near the gas neck to see if there was any gas in there.

There was a big explosion and she called out to him, "Honey, help me find my purse, it's got my $100 in it!"

He said, "Hell with that. Help me find my right hand, it's got my dick in it!"

Free Car

The elderly man entered the car agency together with his young wife.

The owner of the agency spotted the couple and went over to wait upon them himself. He could not help staring at the lady, which, of course, the elderly man noticed.

"May I propose a wager," he said. "If you can do everything to my wife that I can do and still end up the same way as I do, I will pay you double for the car. But if you cannot, you will give it to me for free!"

"OK, agreed!"

The elderly man gave his wife a passionate kiss and the agency owner did the same. Then the man unbuttoned her blouse and kissed her breasts. So did the agency owner. Then the husband opened his fly, pulled out his pecker and bent it in half.

"What color car do you want?" asked the agency owner.

Black and White

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe therein. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways.

One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin: Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!

One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary.

"You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going on!"

The missionary replies, "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief pauses for a moment then says, "Tell you what, you don't say anything about the sheep, I won't say anything about the white child."

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