A Deal

Three guys, Father, Son and Grandfather go out to play a round of golf. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs.

She says her partner didn't show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is a really beautiful woman. The lady turns to the three of them and says, "I don't care what the three of you do, cuss, smoke, chew, spit, fart or whatever. Just don't try to coach me on my game".

The guys say OK and ask if she would like to tee off first. All eyes are on her ass as her skirt rides up when she bends over to place the ball. She then proceeds to knock the hell out of the ball right up the middle.

She just starts pounding these guys, paring every hole. The foursome get to the 18th and she has a 12 foot putt for par.

She turns around and says,

"You guys have done a great job at not trying to coach me on my game. I've never shot par before, and I'm going to ask your opinions on this putt. Now if any of your opinions help me make the putt, I will give that guy a blow job he will never forget."

The guys think what a deal! The kid walks over, eyes up the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says,

"Lady, aim that putt six inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left 12 inches from the hole and go in the cup."

The father walks up and says, "Don't listen to the youngster, aim 12 inches to the right and the ball will break left 2 feet from the hole and fall into the cup."

The Grandpa looks at both of them in disgust, walks over picking up the ball, drops it into the cup, unzips his fly and says "That's a Gimme."

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Biology Student

A boy came back home after his biology classes and entered his parents room. his parents were doing that...

so the boy tells his parents, "Is this how you transfer your pollen grains!"

Bull Fighters Nightmare!

A friend was touring Spain. He stopped at a local restaurant. While dining, he saw a scrumptious dinner dish being served at the next table. It looked and smelled wonderful! He inquired about the dish to the waiter, who replied: "Ah, Senor, you have excellent taste. Those are Bull balls from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

My friend, though momentarily daunted when he learned the origin of the dish, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation," and he requested an order. The waiter informed him there was only one order served per day as there is only one bull fight each morning. The waiter related that if my friend returned early and placed his order the next day he would be sure to try the rare dish.

The next morning we returned and much to his delight, my friend was served the one and only special dish of the day. Upon inspection and after a few bites, he noted to the waiter that (even though the dish was very tasty) the balls were much smaller than the ones that he had seen being served the previous day. The waiter shrugged and replied, "Senor, sometimes the bull does not always loose!"

3 nuns

Three Nuns were waiting to enter the Kingdom of Heaven after being involved in the most horrific car accident you have ever seen! On the arrival of Saint Peter the Nuns became most excited and started running for the door when St Peter said:

"You will each have to answer a question before you enter the Kingdom of Heaven"

The three Nuns, quite unsure of the official protocol of speaking to the Keeper of the gates of Heaven all looked at each other and replied "OK". Saint Peter looked at the Nuns and said.

"I will call each of you to the gates and ask you the question, which you must answer truthfully. On giving a satifactory answer you will be admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven. If you lie ... then it is the fires of Eternal Damnation for you" Being God fearing people the Nuns all agreed to the conditions and the first Nun went up to the Gate.

"Sister" said Saint Peter "Have you ever touched a Mans penis"

At this the first Nun nearly fainted. She went deeply red and looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her. Looking at the Nun Saint Peter said ... "You must confess all before admittance to Heaven". Looking most dejected ... the Nun said "I have to be honest. I did once touch a mans penis with the very tip of this finger. I was curious and it looked so funny." she said holding out her right index finger.

Saint Peter smiled at the Nun and said "Sister, you will be admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven once you have dipped the tip of your right index finger into the Holy Water held in the font to your left"

Practically skipping over to the font the Nun dipped her finger into the Holy water and was promptly admitted into the Kingdom of Heaven. The second Nun has been watching this and approached Saint Peter. The same question was asked of the second Nun, "Sister" said Saint Peter "Have you ever touched a mans penis"

Again, the second Nun looked horrified at being asked such a question, but offered her answer forward a little easier than the first Nun. "Saint Peter" she said "I have to admit that I once let a mans penis enter my vagina. It was before I entered the Convent and I didn't much enjoy it. In fact it was a bit of a let down."

Saint Peter smiled at the Nun and said "Sister, you will be admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven once you have dipped your vagina into the Holy Water held in the font to your left" Willingly she did this and was entered (practically running) into the Kingdom of Heaven

Well, you see, the third Nun had been watching this and not feeling at all abashed she stormed up to Saint Peter and said "NOW LISTEN HERE BUSTER ... IF YOU THINK I'M GARGLING WITH HOLY WATER AFTER SHE JUST PUT HER FANNY IN IT YOU CAN THINK AGAIN".

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