Birthday Gift

Birthday Gift

There was a fellow talking to his buddy one day. The fellow said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So, the first fellow did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How'd it turn out?"

"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'!"

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A little boy hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means. His father is quite shocked, and replies: "Well, uh... you go there to... have a good time." The boy starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there too, but his father insists that he's too young.

Saturday night his dad and a few friends go to "Suzie's" to "have a good time", not knowing the little boy is following them.

After his father leaves, the little boy enters the whorehouse and tells the madame that he wants to have a good time. She's a bit puzzled at first, but being a kind-hearted lady she gives him three doughnuts and tells him to leave.

Later that night he comes home, his parents all worried. His father approaches him first and asks him where he's been.

"IN A WHOREHOUSE!" he screams proudly.

"WHAT? Well... uh... how was it?"

"I managed the first two without any problem, but I just licked the last."

Obstetrician's wife

At a big cocktail party, an obstetrician's wife noticed another guest, a big, over sexed woman, was making overtures to her husband. But it was a large, informal gathering, so she tried to laugh it off, until she saw them disappear into a bedroom together.

At once she rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and screamed, "Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn't INSTALL them!"

A Deal

Three guys, Father, Son and Grandfather go out to play a round of golf. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs.

She says her partner didn't show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is a really beautiful woman. The lady turns to the three of them and says, "I don't care what the three of you do, cuss, smoke, chew, spit, fart or whatever. Just don't try to coach me on my game".

The guys say OK and ask if she would like to tee off first. All eyes are on her ass as her skirt rides up when she bends over to place the ball. She then proceeds to knock the hell out of the ball right up the middle.

She just starts pounding these guys, paring every hole. The foursome get to the 18th and she has a 12 foot putt for par.

She turns around and says,

"You guys have done a great job at not trying to coach me on my game. I've never shot par before, and I'm going to ask your opinions on this putt. Now if any of your opinions help me make the putt, I will give that guy a blow job he will never forget."

The guys think what a deal! The kid walks over, eyes up the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says,

"Lady, aim that putt six inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left 12 inches from the hole and go in the cup."

The father walks up and says, "Don't listen to the youngster, aim 12 inches to the right and the ball will break left 2 feet from the hole and fall into the cup."

The Grandpa looks at both of them in disgust, walks over picking up the ball, drops it into the cup, unzips his fly and says "That's a Gimme."

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