A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"

The boy replied, "No kidding???? Who did she play for?"

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Hardest putt

An older couple are playing in the annual club championship. They are playing in a playoff hole and it is down to a six inch putt that the wife has to make.

She takes her stance and her husband can see her trembling. She putts and misses, they lose the match.

On the way home in the car her husband is fuming, "I can't believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my 'willy'."

The wife just looked over at her husband and smiled and said, "Yes dear, but it was much harder!"

The Train Ride

At midnight, a middle-aged man was waiting at a train station to cross the country to see his relative back east. As he stepped up into the train car, he noticed that the car was almost empty except for a young beautiful nun who sat by herself reading the Bible.

The man sat next to her, hoping to get some companionship during the long ride. However, the nun paid no attention to him. She just kept on reading the Bible without even looking up to him or saying a word.

Half an hour went by slowly and silently, which made the man more and more anxious to start a conversation. But he did not know how to start. The man then put his hand on the nun's lap. The nun blushed with a little bit of anger.

She turned around and said, "Dear sir, do you believe in God?"

The man replied, "Yes, I do."

Nun, "Have you read the bible? Do you know it is wrong to put your hand on my lap? Perhaps you should go home and read line 23 on page 157."

The man withdrew his hand and sat quietly until the train reached the East Coast. The next day, he opened up the Bible and was shocked to read line 23: "Heaven is a little bit higher."

Children's Day!

Why is children's day on the 14th of November?

Because on valentine's day [ 14th feb. ], the male and female will do something in the room.

The woman will get pregnant and in nine months the child will be born on 14th November.

That is why 14th nov is called children's day!

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