No work at all

No work at all

A general, a colonel and a major were having a heated argument on the subject of sex. The general maintained that sex was 60 per cent work and 40 per cent fun. The colonel said it was 75 per cent work and 25 per cent fun. The major thought it was 90 per cent work and 10 per cent fun. At the height of the argument, a private appeared at the door.

"Let s leave it to him," said the major.

The private listened carefully and said with an air of absolute finality, "If you will pardon me, Sirs, sex is 100 per cent fun and no work at all."

"How do you figure that?" cried the astonished officers.

"It is very simple," said the private. "If here was any work in it at all, you guys would have me doing it for you."

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Sex and your Favourite Color

STOP ---- Before you read this, decide what your favorite color is. No looking ahead or changing your mind, either. Got it? Ok, read on...Your Favorite color is the "Key to Your Sexual Life" The clothes you wear, your home furnishings and the car you drive all give clues to your sexual personality. The key is the colors you select for your possessions. Most people claim they haven't a favorite color. But look around you, and you'll notice a pattern, especially in your clothing and home decor. The predominant color for you is the one that appears most frequently -- it's the one that mirrors the sexual you. A panel of psychologists, explained the association between color and sexual patterns.

RED: ----- People who like red tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is ignited, it may take hours to extinguish. When two reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make Lady Chatterly blush. Lovers of red tend to be aggressors and weaker colors should be aware.

YELLOW: ------- If you tend to favor yellow, your sexual drives are complex and turn toward the adaptable. The favorite color of homosexuals is yellow. But don t panic -- not everyone who wears yellow is gay. In most cases the person will consent to the stronger partner s desires in a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the fullest, but you will never turn down an invitation from somebody you enjoy or admire.

PINK: ---- Persons who like pink show a reluctance to mature in sexual matters: women tend to tease, to promise more than they intend to deliver. In some cases they flaunt their femininity -- but because they secretly hate men. A great percentage of prostitutes boast entire wardrobes in pink. Men who like pink are the philanderers and flirts. They are the type who will make three dates for the same evening and not keep one, preferring to pick up someone in some bar instead. Women whose husbands like pink should keep a secret nest egg.

PURPLE: ------- Lovers of purple frequently consider themselves to be too sophisticated for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are the type who hate to mess their hair. Men are business-like in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes purple partners are more concerned with their fulfillment than anyone else s gratification.

BLACK: ------- Black color preferences point to black sex (not necessarily meaning black partners). These people are the misfits of the sex world and seek out each other in kinship. They tend to prefer perverted sex and are usually masochistic or sadistic in nature. They are moody people and often perform at their peak when under stress or during unhappy times. Police psychiatrists claim that sex offenders prefer the color black. And it is no coincidence that the uniform of mobsters and teenage gangs is black attire.

GREEN: ------ Those who prefer green are fresh and innocent in their approach to sex. Women who love green will always make love like virgins all their life. And a man may always be a trifle clumsy and awkward but in a charming and endearing sort of way. Green lovers are gentle, but not passionate. If chosen as a mate, one will never need worry about infidelity.

ORANGE: ------- Lovers of the color orange lean toward sexual fantasies. The sex act is regarded as a dramatic one-act play in which they are the star. Foreplay is as important as the act of love. They whisper sweet nothings, meaningless dialogue; they feel it is their image. Orange people often do not experience orgasm -- but they put on a darn good act. Men tend to pull their partner s hair, and women leave red welts on the sex partner s back.

BROWN: ------ If you love brown, you re a real treasure for the right mate. Brown lovers tend to be warm and deep, sensitive to the needs and desires of their partners. Love is a 24 hour a day thing, where you can t say "I love you" often enough. Snuggling by the fire, walking in the rain or catching snowflakes on their tongue is a turn-on to a lover of brown. They need lots of time and privacy to make love. But their emotions are such that one harsh word could end the affair.

GREY: ------ The color grey a preferred by people who are indecisive. They can t get excited about anything -- including color -- so they choose a noncommittal shade. Men who prefer grey look at sex as a way of relieving tension -- but nothing more, nothing less. It s wham, bam, thank you ma am. Women don t make love, they have intercourse. And for one of two reasons: to accommodate their mate, or to become pregnant. They count the cracks in the bedroom plaster until the sex act is over with and done. But when teamed with another color, the grey spouse considers the other s infidelity a blessing. When a grey marries another grey, the marriage is made in heaven.

BLUE: ----- Lovers of blue are wonderful sex partners. They are sincere, affectionate and sensitive to their partner's needs. They consider lovemaking a fine art and their approach is elegant. Men who love blue are like concert pianists, delicately ravaging their partner like they would play a baby grand. Women in the blue category enjoy sex to the fullest. They are exciting partners but their passion may be compared to a tidal wave rather than firery aggression. Both women and men enjoy foreplay and the aftermath of lovemaking, as much as the sex act itself. In marriage a blue person is a wonderful mate -- never seeking outside interests.

WHITE: ------ If a person is infatuated with white, sex often seems filthy. These people are puritanical in nature. French kissing is obscene and to make love in the daylight is unheard of. Women who love white will undress beneath the covers. Men will shower before and after the sex act. These people still use pet names for their genitals.

Wrong one??

Once a Texas business man goes to Japan for some business meeting. After a long day of meetings and presentations, he decides to have some company for the evening. So he calls up an escort service and asks for an escort. Soon a sexy Japanese girl came to his hotel room. The Texan roams around the city with the girl and then reaches his hotel late at night. They promptly get into bed and start having sex. The girl throughout the whole thing kept on saying "sung hua, sung hua". Texan thinks that must be the Japanese for terrific and does it harder. The girl leaves in the morning.

Next day is a sunday so the Texan goes to play golf with his Japanese counterparts. One of them hits a hole-in-one. The Texan eager to show off his newly learnt Japanese vocabulary promptly says "sung hua, sung hua". The Japanese turned around and asks him "wrong hole what do you mean by wrong hole".


A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"

The boy replied, "No kidding???? Who did she play for?"

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