Pig hunting...

Pig hunting...

A man wakes his woman at 3AM and says "Getup we are going pig hunting"

His woman says "Im not going fucking pig hunting it's 3AM".

"Get the fuck up" he says, "we're fucking going pig hunting"

"No fucking way" she refuses.

"O.K. then" he says "I'll give you three options. You can either come pig hunting, give me a head job or let me fuck you up the arse?"

"Well" she says "it's 3AM and Im not going pig hunting and I'm not letting you fuck me up the arse so I had better give you a head job".

After going down on him for about one second she sits up and says "Your fucking cock tastes like shit!!!"

"Aeah" he says "the dog didn't want to come pig hunting either"

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Boy or girl...??

There was a man whose wife is about to deliver a child. He wanted a Boy child & he was quite confident that she will deliver only Boy child. So he went along with his wife to his in-laws place & stayed there. He stayed there for more than 15 days, but she didn't deliver the child at all. So he went back to his place. Before leaving he told his father in law that when she delivers the child just call up & tell me that "the clock has arrived" & that is the code word to understand that boy is born.

Next day she delivered a girl child. The father in law didn't know how to inform his son in law. He can't say that the Clock hasn't arrived also.

So he calles up & said, "The Clock has arrived but the pendulum is missing".

Balls for eggs !!

There was once a Farmer and an Gardener who lived next door to each other. The Farmer owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Gardener's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Gardener pick up the egg. The Farmer ran up to the Gardener and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Gardener disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Farmer said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kickme in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, whomever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Gardener agreed to this and so the Farmer found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Gardener and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Gardener fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Gardener stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Farmer said, "Keep the damn egg!"

Considerate Statue!

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry!" she said, "Stand in the corner."

She quickly rubbed baby oil allover him and then she dusted him with talcum powder."Don't move until I tell you to." she whispered.

"Just pretend you are a statue."

"What is this, honey?" the husband asked as he entered the room.

"Oh, it is just a statue." she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked the idea so much, I got one for us, too."

No more was said about the "statue". Later that night they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went into the kitchen, and returned with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here" he said to the statue, "Eat this. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water."

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