Wine, Anyone?

Wine, Anyone?

A man enters his favorite restaurant and, while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby, all alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman.

She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants."

The man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just so you know-I happen to have a Rolls, BMW, and a Mercedes in my garage; plus I have over two million dollars in the bank: But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off in my pants!"

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Family ruins...

This guys walks into a bar and the bartender immediately notices how depressed this guy is.

"Give me a beer", said the guy.

"Sure thing," said the bartender, "by the way, why the long face?

"I just found out my oldest son is gay", replied the guy.

The next day the same guy walks back into the bar and orders a beer and a few shots of whiskey.

"Whats wrong now?", asked the bartender noticing he is twice as depressed as the day before.

"I just found out my youngest son is gay too."

The next day the same guy walks in with tears pouring out of his eyes.

"God doesn't anyone in your house like pussy?", asked the bartender.

The guy said, "Yeah, my wife!"

Pig hunting...

A man wakes his woman at 3AM and says "Getup we are going pig hunting"

His woman says "Im not going fucking pig hunting it's 3AM".

"Get the fuck up" he says, "we're fucking going pig hunting"

"No fucking way" she refuses.

"O.K. then" he says "I'll give you three options. You can either come pig hunting, give me a head job or let me fuck you up the arse?"

"Well" she says "it's 3AM and Im not going pig hunting and I'm not letting you fuck me up the arse so I had better give you a head job".

After going down on him for about one second she sits up and says "Your fucking cock tastes like shit!!!"

"Aeah" he says "the dog didn't want to come pig hunting either"

Boy or girl...??

There was a man whose wife is about to deliver a child. He wanted a Boy child & he was quite confident that she will deliver only Boy child. So he went along with his wife to his in-laws place & stayed there. He stayed there for more than 15 days, but she didn't deliver the child at all. So he went back to his place. Before leaving he told his father in law that when she delivers the child just call up & tell me that "the clock has arrived" & that is the code word to understand that boy is born.

Next day she delivered a girl child. The father in law didn't know how to inform his son in law. He can't say that the Clock hasn't arrived also.

So he calles up & said, "The Clock has arrived but the pendulum is missing".

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