My Father

Santa Singh and Banta Singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other.

Santa Singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta Singh : Yes, I have.
Santa Singh : Well, my father dug it.
Banta Singh : Thats nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?
Santa Singh : Yes, I have.
Banta Singh : Well, my father killed it.

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Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.

Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, "Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so that rest of us can be saved."

All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.

Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.

After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Sardarji came forward near the railing and chanted, "Jo bole-so-nihal, sat sri akaal"
"wahe guruji da khalsa, wahe guruji di fateh"
"Jai maa Kali, Jai maa Durga, Jai Hanuman"
"jai Sri Ram, Jai siva-sankar, Jai baba nanak di"
"Jai jawan jai kissan "

and finally yelled at the top of his voice "Bharat mata ki jai"

And Kicked the pakistani standing next to him in the sea.

Kargil War!

The Sikh regiment was climbing a hill in the Kargil sector during the war when suddenly from the direction of the summit the Pakistani regiment opened fire on them. The Sikh regiment took cover behind boulders and started to return the firing. The firing continued for a long time and no progress was made so the Sikh regiment's captain thought that since the names of almost all the pakistani soldiers are like Yusuf Iqbal Mustafa etc. he'll call out their names and the moment they react to the call we'll shoot them.

So he started calling out-"Yusuf" four hands shot up and they were gunned down. Then the captain called out-"Iqbal" three hands shot up and they were gunned down this continued for a few more minutes till the Pakistani's got wise and stopped responding.

The Pakistani captain then thought that at this rate all his men would be killed so he adopted the strategy of the Sikh captain and thought that all Sikhs have names rhyming with Inder like Sukhwinder, Devender, Jaswinder etc.

So the Pakistani captain started calling out "Sukhwinder" no hands shot up from the Indian side. The Pakistani captain again called out-"Sukhwinder" still no hands shot up.

The Pakistani captain called out the same name twice again when instantly came the reply that-

"Oye Sukhwinder nu kaun yaad kar-riya si?" (who is remembering Sukhwinder?).

The Pakistani commander immediately shot up his hand and said- "Main" (me) and BANG he was shot dead.

Affair with a horse

Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.'

His second friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.'

Santa says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.'

Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

'No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.'

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