An elderly Punjabi admitted to the intensive care department of a hospital requested that he take lessons in French. The doctor was puzzled and asked him why.
"Well, French is the language of heaven," he sighed. "I want to be able to communicate with everyone in heaven if I die."
"But how are you so sure that you will end up in heaven? You might go to hell. What good will French do you then?" asked the doctor.
"That will no problem. I am fluent in Punjabi."
More Hindi Jokes
From New Delhi to Bombay came a very dirty train. The train had many animals in the corridors, and many people eating and creating even more garbage. In one cabin, there were a Chinese and a Marwadi sitting one in front of the other.
Suddenly a fly sat on the Chinese man's head, and using his hypnotic skills, he hypnotized the fly only with his eyes. Then he took the fly, opened his mouth, looked at the Marwadi, and ate it.
Five minutes later came another fly, and the Chinese guy did the same thing.
The next fly landed this time on the Marwadi's head. The Marwadi did the same thing, with his eyes he hypnotized the fly, took it, opened his mouth, looked at the Chinese guy, and asked, "Do you want to buy it?"
An English lady while visiting India was looking for a room, and she asked the schoolmaster if he could recommend one. He took her to see several rooms and when everything was settled the lady returned to her home to make the final preparations to move. Back in England it occurred to her that she had not enquired about a water closet (in Indian terminology-lavatory).
So she wrote the schoolmaster asking if there was a w.c. conveniently situated. The schoolmaster did not understand the abbreviation and sought the parish priest's help. The only solution they could find was "wayside chapel".
The schoolmaster then wrote the following letter. Dear ma'am, I take great pleasure in informing you that the w.c. Is situated 9 miles from the house, in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds? It has a seating capacity for 229 people and it is open on Sundays and Thursdays only. Here are number of people expected for the summer months. I would suggest that you come early enough although usually there is plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation, particularly if you are in the habit of going regularly. You'll no doubt be glad to know that a good number bring their lunch, and make a day of it, while others who can afford to go by car, arrive just in time. I would especially recommend that your ladyship go on Thursdays, when there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.
It may be of interest to you to know that my daughter was married in the w.c. and first met her husband there. I can remember the rush there was for seats. There are 10 people to a seat occupied by one. It is wonderful to see the expression on their faces. The latest attraction is the bell donated by a wealthy resident. It rings every time a person enters. A buzzer is to be held to provide plush seats for all since the people feel it is a long felt need. My wife is rather delicate so she can't attend regularly. It is almost a year since she went last. It pains her very much not to be able to go more often. I shall be delighted to reserve the best seat for you, if you wish to be seen by all.
For children there is a special time and place so they will not disturb the elders.
Hoping to have been of great service to you,
At the time of Indo-Pak war in 1971, Pakistan Air Force had just acquired the state of the art Sabre jet from US. The jet had some outstanding technical features which were being explained by a US instructor to some trainee Paksitani pilots. The US instructor explained the aircraft's automatic take off, automatic maneuvring, automatic supersonic acceleration, automatic weapon loading and automatic firing.
Eventually, one Pakistani pilot asked, "Sir, How do we land this aircraft?"
The US instructor said, "Son, Leave that to the Indian Air Force."