Religious boyfriend

Religious boyfriend

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces that after dinner, she would like to go out and have sex for the first time. Of course, the boy is ecstatic.

He takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy patiently. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for your to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

Time passes, and MORE time. Finally the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

He hisses back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

More Sexy Jokes

Farm Animals

This guy lives on a farm, but he doesn't have any farm animals, so he decides he should buy some. He's driving down the road one day when he sees a sign that reads, "Cocks for sale." He goes to the seller and asks him what a cock is. The seller tells him they're roosters, so he happily buys one.

A while later he sees another sign which reads, "Pullets for sale." He goes to the seller and asks him what a pullet is, and the seller explains it's a hen. But the seller warns him that if there's a loud noise, the rooster and hen will start fighting. "Okay," the farmer says, buys the hen, and drives on.

About an hour later, he sees a sign which reads, "Asses for sale." He asks the seller what an ass is and is told it's a donkey. "But, the seller warns him, "If the ass hears a loud noise, he'll lay down and won't get up until you scratch his belly." The farmer nods and buys the donkey.

He's driving down the road when his tire pops with a loud bang. This causes the rooster and hen to start fighting, and the donkey sits down. Very annoyed, the farmer pulls over to the side of the road. A young woman pulls over beside him and asks if she can help.

"Sure," the farmer says. "Could you hold my cock and pull it while I scratch my ass?"

Left-handed or Right-handed

When three middle managers, all from the same company, lost their golfing fourth, they decided to invite his replacement. However, to their concern, his replacement was a woman.

They didn't want to abandon their Sunday sessions so they approached her. Surprisingly, she did play golf and said she would join them at either 6:30 or 6:45 on Sunday morning.

She arrived at 6:30 on Sunday, and impressed the three with a 67 round. In the bar afterwards, they invited her to join them at the same time next week, and she replied, "Great, I'll arrive at 6:30 or 6:45."

Next Sunday, she arrived at 6:30, and this time she played left-handed and shot a 66! In the bar afterwards, her friends were very impressed, especially by her ability to play either left- or right-handed. They asked her how she decided which clubs to bring.

"Well", she said, "I have a system that never fails. When I wake up on Sunday morning, I look over at my husband in bed and if his dick is lying to the left, I bring my left-handed clubs, and if it is lying on the right then I bring my right handed clubs."

"What do you if it's in the middle?" they asked.

"In that case, I arrive at 6:45!"

Depressed Cow

At the Agricultural university, the Professor was talking about increasing milk production of the cows, when a girl in the class asked, "Why do cows always seem depressed when being milked?"

The Professor answered, "Well my girl, if every morning at dawn they woke you up, rubbed your boobs for two hours and didn't screw you afterwards, how would you feel!"

Show More Sexy Jokes