Building A Tunnel
When tenders were floated for the channel tunnel to connect England & France, many international building companies vied with one another to get the contract. The stakes were very high, the job of digging building expertise.
Tenders were opened by the Board of Directors of the Anglo-French corporation which had taken on the project. British builders' estimates were over 200 million dollar, each, French and German builders were marginally lower.
There was one from India: Singh & Singh Builders whose estimate was only 5 million dollars. The Board was for ignoring the Indian tender but out of curiosity invited Singh & Singh over to discuss the plans.
Banta Singh & Santa Singh of Singh & Singh Builders appeared before the Board. The Chairman asked them "Have you any experience of undertaking this kind of work?"
"Indeed we have," replied the two Singhs, "we bored a lot of tubewells in the Punjab & Haryana. We can bore holes anywhere."
"This is not as simple. How will you connect the tunnel from the English side to the French?" "Simple," replied Santa Singh, "Banta Singh will dig from the French end and I from the English."
The Chairman was flabbergasted. "You don't realise that it will need a lot of accurate calculation to get the two tunnels to meet at the same point under the channel. Other companies' estimates are over 200 million dollars each & you think you can do the same job for 5 million dollars. How will that be possible?"
"What is bothering you?" demanded Singh and Singh, "if our two tunnels don't meet, instead of one we will give you two tunnels.
More Sardar Jokes
A MAN appeared at the box office of a cinema and bought two tickets.
A few minutes later he returned and bought two more.
When, after a short interval, he appeared a third time and offered to pay for two more, the ticket-seller opened the little door in the glass and spoke up.
'Aren't you the same gentleman who just bought two tickets and two others just a little while ago?' she asked, puzzled. 'Yes,' replied Banta Singh plaintively,
'But there's some fool at the gate who keeps tearing them up!'
Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa Singh Then goes through his certificates and then starts asking him questions.
Following is the transcript :
O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites.
S : Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions
O : Above
S : Below
O : Front
S : Back
O : Left
S : Right
O : Male
S : Female
O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)
O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y...... Our sardar also shouts)
#Officer is now angry.
O : Get out
S : Come in.
O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.
O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected ........ ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.
Santa ji naukri dhoond rahe they, India mein toe kahi se call aayee nahin...yahaan toe compniya mere standard kee nahin hai khair!!
Ab aaayee videsh ki baari... wahan se to ji pehali baar mein hi reply aa gaya. Bade khush...daru-sharu di party de dali. Dost poocchne lagge ki, bhai, bata to kon si company hai, kitni salary hai....
Santa: English main letter aayeaa hai, main tuhanu translate kar ke batata haaan
.. Tau suno kya likhya hai..
"You Do not meet"
tum to milte hi nahin ho...bahut busy ho.
Humhe to bahut zarooorat hai.
"no further correspondence"
Aage chitthi patri di jarurat nahin hai, jaise bhi ho jaldi se aa jao
"will be entertained"
Bahut khatir ki jayegi.