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Stay Fresh

Stay Fresh

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, dejected, Turns over and tries to sleep.

A few minutes later, he Rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"




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Obsessed With ... ?

How do you name your children? A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy!"

He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny!"

He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy!"

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go!"

Chines Torture..!

A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but one condition.

If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."

"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."

He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."

In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummetted towards the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post!

Duck a f**k

There was a man who had three sons. He gave each of them a duck and told them to go out and sell their duck for as much as possible.

The first son went out and sold his duck for $5, went home and told his dad what he had done. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer.

The second son also sold his duck for $5. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer.

The third son went out and saw a gorgeous blonde woman on the side of the road. He went up to her and said I'll give you my duck if you have sex with me. She considered it and said "Ok". They had sex and when they were done she said wow that was good, I'll give you your duck back if you'll do me again.The boy agreed.

While they were having sex again, the duck got loose and ran out into the road. They saw the duck escape and pulled their pants on but not quickly enough to prevent the duck from getting run over by a car. The driver jumped out of the car and said "I'm so sorry i killed your duck. I'll give you $40 dollars to make up for it.

When the third son finally returned home, his dad asked how much he had made. He said "I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and forty bucks for a fucked up duck."

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