Up Or Down

Up Or Down

At the senior citizens luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding along, when they came upon a fork in the river and the gentleman asked, "Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden, the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat.

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and then continued riding along, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.

He asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"

There she went again, stripping off her clothes to make wild, passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the old gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes, and so there they were the next day riding in the boat, when they came upon the fork in the river.

The gentleman asked, "Well, do you want to go up or down?"

The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled, the gentleman drove the boat down the river, when he came upon another fork.

He asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"

She replied, "Up."

This really confused the gentleman, so he asked "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down, you made passionate love to me. Now today, nothing."

She replied, "Well, yesterday I didn't have my hearing aid in, and I thought you were saying, 'Fuck or drown!'

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Stay Fresh

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, dejected, Turns over and tries to sleep.

A few minutes later, he Rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Obsessed With ... ?

How do you name your children? A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy!"

He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny!"

He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy!"

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go!"

Chines Torture..!

A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but one condition.

If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."

"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."

He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."

In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummetted towards the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post!

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