Sign language!

Sign language!

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"

She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?" The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?' and the man repeats his gestures. "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE"

The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.

Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What in the hell was that?" She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH"

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Up Or Down

At the senior citizens luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding along, when they came upon a fork in the river and the gentleman asked, "Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden, the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat.

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and then continued riding along, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.

He asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"

There she went again, stripping off her clothes to make wild, passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the old gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes, and so there they were the next day riding in the boat, when they came upon the fork in the river.

The gentleman asked, "Well, do you want to go up or down?"

The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled, the gentleman drove the boat down the river, when he came upon another fork.

He asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"

She replied, "Up."

This really confused the gentleman, so he asked "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down, you made passionate love to me. Now today, nothing."

She replied, "Well, yesterday I didn't have my hearing aid in, and I thought you were saying, 'Fuck or drown!'

Stay Fresh

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, dejected, Turns over and tries to sleep.

A few minutes later, he Rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Obsessed With ... ?

How do you name your children? A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy!"

He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny!"

He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy!"

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go!"

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