Two elderly gentlemen...

Two elderly gentlemen...

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail.....

When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.

After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"

The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."

The first man asked, "How's that?"

"Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast.....she farted and flew out the window!"

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Pickle Slicer

Mike worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.

He had an urge to stick his organ into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Mike indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Mike came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

"What's wrong, Mike?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my organ into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Mike, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"My God, Mike, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Mike. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh...she got fired too."

Whivh Floor

A guy and a gal meet in an elevator. The guy asks, "Which floor?"

The gal says, "Third floor."

The guy reads the list of offices on the wall and says, "Oh, going to give blood, I see."

She says, "Yup, it's worth $30.00. Which floor are you going to?"

He replies, "Sixth."

She says, "Oh, that's the sperm bank!"

He nods and says, "Right! and it's worth $100.00!"

A couple of weeks later, the same two meet in the elevator again. The guy says, "Third floor again?"

The gal, mouth tightly closed, cheeks puffed out, shakes her head and holds up 6 fingers!

Question & Answer

What's the speed limit of sex?
68 at 69 you have to turn around.

What's the ultimate rejection?
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.

What are the two greatest lies?
"The check is in the mail," and "I promise I won't cum in your mouth."

What are three words you dread the most while making love?
"Honey, I'm home."

What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.

Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Coz they don't stop for directions.

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