The Company Christmas Party
A man and his wife went to an office Christmas party, where the man had a little too much to drink. He staggers down the stairs, completely hung over, and makes his way to the breakfast bar.
His wife pours him a cup of coffee.
With his head in his hand, he asks, "Damn, honey. What happened last night?"
She replies, "It wasn't a pretty sight."
He asks, "What do you mean?"
"Well," she replies, "You were not on your best behavior and your boss was extremely upset."
"He was?" he moans.
"Yes," she replies, "He sure was."
"Ahhh, piss on him!" he says.
"You did," she replies. "Honey, you got fired last night."
"I got fired?" he questions.
"Yes," she answers, "You got fired."
"Ahhh, screw him!" he says.
She replies, "I did, you start again Monday morning!"
More Office Jokes
A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice.
The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, "But why?" he asked.
"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly.
"Look, I'll give you a raise."
"No," she said
"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me."
"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."
Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear it's nature. Look I have it too...."
"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."
How to put the right person in the right chair?
Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair? If yes, try this simple experiment.
Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation:
If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks - PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING.
If they are arranging the bricks in some other order - PUT THEM IN PLANNING.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other - PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.
If they are sleeping - PUT THEM IN SECURITY.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces - PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.
If they are sitting idle - PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.
If they have thrown the bricks out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.
If they are clinging onto the bricks - PUT THEM IN TREASURY.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has moved - PUT THEM IN SALES.
If they have already left for the day - PUT THEM IN MARKETING.
If they are staring out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE EXPORT.
AND last but not least..........
If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved - PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT
The Indian Career Song - 8 stages
1. When in college : Hum honge kaamyaab, Hum honge kaamyaab ek din.....
2. When giving interview to Multi National Company: Tu hi re.. Too hi re ....tere binaaa main kaise jiyunn....
3. Waiting for interview result: Intehaa ho gai Intzaarki.. aayi naaa kuch khabar mere yaar ki...
4. Just joined: Too cheez badi hai mast mast.....
5. After some time: Ye kahaan aa gaye hum??
6. After some more time: Naa koi umang hai, naa koyi tarang hai, meri jindagi ek kati Pathang hai
7. Floating the resume: kabootar ja ja ja... kabootar ja ja ja... pehele pyar ki peheli chitthi...
8. Finally when you don't get a better offer any longer: Jeena Yehaan, marna Yehaan iske siwa Jaana Kahaa..!!