Poetry

Jack and Tim were talking one day in the company lunch room. Jack confessed that he had recently been having trouble with women. He asked Tim, who always seemed to have a date, what was his secret to finding women willing to go to bed.

Tim said the secret was poetry. Jack said that poetry was for faggots. Tim disagreed and stressed how poetry had made him very successful with women.

Jack: "OK, I'll give it try. What should I say?"

Tim: "You need to say something about their hair, then compare their eyes to some animal, then explain to them the way you want to make love to them."

Jack: "Give me an example."

Tim: "Curly blond hair and eyes like a dove. I want to take you home and make sweet love."

Jack: "OK, that sounds easy, I'll give it a try."

The next day, as Tim walks into the company lunch room, he sees Jack. Jack's head is swollen & covered with bruises.

Tim: "What happened to you?"

Jack: "I tried your F$^#ing poetry, that's what happened!"

Tim: "What did you say?"

Jack: "I took your advise, I said something about her hair, then compare her eyes to an animal, then explain to her the way I wanted to make love to her."

Tim: "And it didn't work?"

Jack: "Hell, no it didn't work... look at me. She beat the shit outta me."

Tim: "Let's hear your poem."

Jack: "Nappy haired bitch with eyes like a frog I wanna bend you over and fu$k you like a dog."




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How often?

A bunch of guys are sailing across the ocean. It's been a few days out at sea and already one guy starts getting horny, so he goes to the captain and asks what he should do. The captain tells him, "There's a barrel over there with a hole in it. We just use that."

The guy decides that's a pretty good idea, so he goes over to the barrel and starts humping it. Much to his surprise, he enjoys the act thoroughly, so when he's done he goes over to his captain. "Man," he says, "that was exactly what I needed! Is there a limit on how often I can do that?"

The captain replies, "Any time other than Tuesdays."

The guy asks, "Why not Tuesdays?"

The captain says, "'Cause that's your day in the barrel!"

Photograph

There once was a man who decided he hated his life in the city, and that he was going to live in a nudist colony instead.

As he was a respected man, he decided it would be best for him to just say he was moving to New York. After a few months of naked bliss, he got a letter from his mother saying, "Dear son, as I have no recent photos of you, can you please send me the most recent one you have? Love, Mum."

Well, the man didn't have any photos of himself that didn't show him naked, so he decided to chop one in half and send just the top half. A few weeks later, he got a letter from his mum saying, "Thanks for the photo, and could you send another to your grandma?" And so he did, BUT...he made a mistake and sent her the wrong half. The man got really upset but then remembered his Gran's poor eyesight, and he decided it would be okay.

Two weeks later, he gets a letter back from his Gran saying: "Dear Jerry, I think your photo is great. But you really should change your hairstyle, as it
makes your nose look too big."

Sexual Disease

A richman often went to bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So one day, he went to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor examine his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. otherwise, it will spread and become worse."

The businessman was shocked. the last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis.

Desperate he thought, " why don't I consult traditional chinese medicine. They might have some surprises"

So, the chinese doctor gave him an examination and the doctor said," We don't have to cut. I'll give you herbs to rub."

The richman was so happy. "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I'm amazed, So what is the exact secret?"

The chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself."

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