Olympic Condoms

Olympic Condoms

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.

Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?"

"There are three colours", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"What colour are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course", says the man proudly.

The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!".

More Sexy Jokes

XL Size Condoms

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.

He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?


Jack and Tim were talking one day in the company lunch room. Jack confessed that he had recently been having trouble with women. He asked Tim, who always seemed to have a date, what was his secret to finding women willing to go to bed.

Tim said the secret was poetry. Jack said that poetry was for faggots. Tim disagreed and stressed how poetry had made him very successful with women.

Jack: "OK, I'll give it try. What should I say?"

Tim: "You need to say something about their hair, then compare their eyes to some animal, then explain to them the way you want to make love to them."

Jack: "Give me an example."

Tim: "Curly blond hair and eyes like a dove. I want to take you home and make sweet love."

Jack: "OK, that sounds easy, I'll give it a try."

The next day, as Tim walks into the company lunch room, he sees Jack. Jack's head is swollen & covered with bruises.

Tim: "What happened to you?"

Jack: "I tried your F$^#ing poetry, that's what happened!"

Tim: "What did you say?"

Jack: "I took your advise, I said something about her hair, then compare her eyes to an animal, then explain to her the way I wanted to make love to her."

Tim: "And it didn't work?"

Jack: "Hell, no it didn't work... look at me. She beat the shit outta me."

Tim: "Let's hear your poem."

Jack: "Nappy haired bitch with eyes like a frog I wanna bend you over and fu$k you like a dog."

How often?

A bunch of guys are sailing across the ocean. It's been a few days out at sea and already one guy starts getting horny, so he goes to the captain and asks what he should do. The captain tells him, "There's a barrel over there with a hole in it. We just use that."

The guy decides that's a pretty good idea, so he goes over to the barrel and starts humping it. Much to his surprise, he enjoys the act thoroughly, so when he's done he goes over to his captain. "Man," he says, "that was exactly what I needed! Is there a limit on how often I can do that?"

The captain replies, "Any time other than Tuesdays."

The guy asks, "Why not Tuesdays?"

The captain says, "'Cause that's your day in the barrel!"

Show More Sexy Jokes