English Grammer

English Grammer

This Lady was new in town, and still trying to find her way around.

She walked up to a man standing outside the school building.

"Can you tell me where the library's at?" she asked.

The man stared down at her, raised his eyebrows, and said in his stuffiest voice, "Young lady, it is not proper to end a sentence with a preposition."

She stared back at him.

Then she said, "Can you tell me where the library's at, jerk?"

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Sick Leave Abuse

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing the sick-leave provisions set out by their contract.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

A union negotiator broke the silence in the room.

"Wow!" he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"

Heaven and Hell?

Heaven is When: One has the American Salary, British home, Chinese Food, and Indian Wife

Hell is when: One has the American Wife, British Food, Chinese Home, Indian salary.

Bear Chase

Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing? He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, well jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear." The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the *bear*... I only have to outrun *you.*"

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