When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher.

The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight.

"Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light five hundred times."

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny's father was a rector in a small church.

One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them. Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him.

His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited.

His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishops room and then say to him "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up."

Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines.

He went to the door and knocked. He was so excited and nervous though that his lines got mixed up and the boy said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!!"

Literary Influence

Three newly recruited trainee police officers are having a cup of coffee in their sports club canteen. They engage in a conversation about superstition.

The seemingly older of the chaps says, "When my wife was pregnant, she read a book called 'Double Trouble' and she ended up having twins."

The second lad responds, "That's interesting -- guess what? My wife read 'The Three Musketeers' when she was pregnant, and had triplets."

The third gets up, already sweating profusely, and spurts, "Guys, I've gotta get home right now. I left my pregnant wife reading 'Ali-Baba and the Forty Thieves!'"

Signs 'n' Sayings

If at first you don't succeed...
blame somebody!

The best thing about distant relatives...
is the distance! :-)

Money is relative:
More money, more relatives.

- Sign outside a tuition center:
Statistics are like a bikini.
What they reveal is interesting;
but what they conceal is fascinating!

- Sign at a barber's saloon:
We need your heads to run our business ;-)

- A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough... or else they never will be!

- Sign in a restaurant:
All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager.

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