Who is the mightiest?
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronts a wild beast and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified wild beast stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times. The lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomps on the lion till it lookes like a corn tortilla and ambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!!"
More Funny Jokes
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher.
The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight.
"Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light five hundred times."
Little Johnny's father was a rector in a small church.
One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them. Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him.
His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited.
His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishops room and then say to him "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up."
Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines.
He went to the door and knocked. He was so excited and nervous though that his lines got mixed up and the boy said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!!"
Three newly recruited trainee police officers are having a cup of coffee in their sports club canteen. They engage in a conversation about superstition.
The seemingly older of the chaps says, "When my wife was pregnant, she read a book called 'Double Trouble' and she ended up having twins."
The second lad responds, "That's interesting -- guess what? My wife read 'The Three Musketeers' when she was pregnant, and had triplets."
The third gets up, already sweating profusely, and spurts, "Guys, I've gotta get home right now. I left my pregnant wife reading 'Ali-Baba and the Forty Thieves!'"