1. Since light travels faster than sound, that is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. What does not ask questions but get pressed for an answer? - Door bell
3. What is the longest word in an English dictionary? - Smiles, because there is a mile between the first "s" and the last "s".
4. Before marriage they were like Romeo and Juliet. Now they are like Bill and Hillary Clinton
5. An archaelogist makes a better husband because as the wife gets older, he will show more interest in her.
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child "A policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employees home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he is busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper!"
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They are looking for me!"
More Funny Jokes
A first grade teacher was telling her class about the 3 little pigs. She got to the part where the pigs get the building materials and said, "The first little pig went up to a man and asked, 'Excuse me sir, but may I have some straw to build a house?'"
The teacher wanted to know if the class was paying attention so she asked, "What do you think the man said?"
One boy raised his hand and said, "I think maybe the man said something like, 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"