After 20 years
Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they are all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They are each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them.
The first guy asks for a big stack of books. The second guy asks for his wife. And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes.
At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guys cell. He comes out and says, "I studied so hard. Im so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific."
They open up the second guys door. He comes out with his wife, and they have got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiuful new family. I love it."
They open up the third guys door, and he is slapping at his pockets, going "Anybody got a match?"
More Funny Jokes
On a Answering Machine of my friend's phone I heard this "I am probably here. I am trying to avoid someone. Please tell me your name and hang up. If I won't call back you back, please understand You are the one".
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child "A policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employees home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he is busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper!"
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They are looking for me!"
1. Since light travels faster than sound, that is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. What does not ask questions but get pressed for an answer? - Door bell
3. What is the longest word in an English dictionary? - Smiles, because there is a mile between the first "s" and the last "s".
4. Before marriage they were like Romeo and Juliet. Now they are like Bill and Hillary Clinton
5. An archaelogist makes a better husband because as the wife gets older, he will show more interest in her.