Official Love Letter
Here is a letter written by an HR executive to his love:
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday).
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation,
More Office Jokes
A man and his wife went to an office Christmas party, where the man had a little too much to drink. He staggers down the stairs, completely hung over, and makes his way to the breakfast bar.
His wife pours him a cup of coffee.
With his head in his hand, he asks, "Damn, honey. What happened last night?"
She replies, "It wasn't a pretty sight."
He asks, "What do you mean?"
"Well," she replies, "You were not on your best behavior and your boss was extremely upset."
"He was?" he moans.
"Yes," she replies, "He sure was."
"Ahhh, piss on him!" he says.
"You did," she replies. "Honey, you got fired last night."
"I got fired?" he questions.
"Yes," she answers, "You got fired."
"Ahhh, screw him!" he says.
She replies, "I did, you start again Monday morning!"
A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice.
The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, "But why?" he asked.
"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly.
"Look, I'll give you a raise."
"No," she said
"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me."
"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."
Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear it's nature. Look I have it too...."
"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."
How to put the right person in the right chair?
Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair? If yes, try this simple experiment.
Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation:
If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks - PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING.
If they are arranging the bricks in some other order - PUT THEM IN PLANNING.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other - PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.
If they are sleeping - PUT THEM IN SECURITY.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces - PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.
If they are sitting idle - PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.
If they have thrown the bricks out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.
If they are clinging onto the bricks - PUT THEM IN TREASURY.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has moved - PUT THEM IN SALES.
If they have already left for the day - PUT THEM IN MARKETING.
If they are staring out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE EXPORT.
AND last but not least..........
If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved - PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT