A drunken Irishman gets on a train and asks the conductor how long the trip is between Limerick to Cork.
"About two hours," says the conductor.
"Okay," says the drunkard, "then how long is the trip between Cork to Limerick?"
The iritated conductor says to the drunk "It's still about two hours, laddie. Why'd ya think there'd be a difference?"
"Well," says the drunk, "It's only a week between Christmas and New Year's, but it's a helluva long time between New Year's and Christmas!"
More Funny Jokes
A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration.
His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered, he asks, "Can I speak to Alf, please?"
"No! There's no one called Alf here," says the person who answered the phone.
His father hangs up. "That's irritation," he says.
He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks for Alf a second time. "No-there's no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I shall telephone the police," the person says.
His father hangs up and says, "That's aggravation."
"Then what's frustration?" asks his son. The father picks up the phone and dials the same number a third time.
"Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?" he asks casually.
A young mother was riding the bus with her 4 year old boy when he suddenly blurted out so that everyone in the bus could hear, "Look mom, see that man's nose, it looks soooo funny!!"
The mother was quite embarrassed and scolded her son.
Then she whispered to him that if there was something he wanted to say about someone he should wait until they got home, or at least where nobody could hear them, so that nobody would be sad.
A moment later, the boy blurted out in the same loud voice, "Look mom, we've got to talk about that big, fat, lady when we get home!!"
"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," little Johnny said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best present I ever got."
"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"
"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said.
"My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night!"