Silver Chutney Jar

Silver Chutney Jar

One day Jay invited his mother over to his flat for dinner. His mother came over and noticed Jay's roomate Sonia.

Jay said "I know what you are thinking and we are just roomates" A week passed and Sonia said to Jay "I'm not saying your mother did take it and I'm not saying your mother did not take it, but ever since she came to dinner last week I haven't been able to find my beautiful silver chutney jar."

Jay said he would ask his mother. So he emailed her

"Mother I am not saying that you did take the silver chutney jar and I am not saying that you did not take the silver chutney jar"

Jay's mother replied back, "Jay I am not saying that you do sleep with Sonia and I am not saying that you do not sleep with Sonia but fact is if Sonia was sleeping in her own bed she would have been able to find the chutney jar by now.

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Abusing Parrot

Once there was a Guruji and a Shishya (Student). Guruji was having a parrot which used to talk. But the parrot always used to give bad desi galis (bad words) it was really terrible.

Because of this the Guruji was very upset and one day he tells his Shishya that "We always takes the name of God, but why does the parrot gives bad words?"

After the conversation Shishya tells his Guruji that he will take the parrot to his home town for one week. And he will teach the parrot nice things eg. taking the name of God etc. and will bring it back to the ashram after one week. He leaves home with the parrot.

After one week Shishya is back along with the parrot. Guruji was very much eager to see his Shishya. He asked him whether he had taught the parrot how to talk nice things? He said yes Guruji, I have taught him how to take God's name. See, first I tied two small ropes on his both the legs. After pulling his right leg he starts saying "HARI OM" , if we pulls his second leg he will tell "SHRI HARI". Like that I have taught him. By hearing this Guruji is very happy and tells the Shishya I wants to try ones. Shishya tells him Okay Guruji try ones.

Guruji takes the parrot and pulls his right leg : as usual parrot says "HARI OM" after that he pulls his left leg "SHRI HARI" replies the parrot. This goes on for 5 minutes. But Guruji is so happy that he forgets what the Shishya told him and he pulls his (parrots) both the legs.

Now the parrot gets angry and he replies (parrot) : "Gaandu dono pau (legs) kya keechta hai girega nahi kya".

Filmi Names

Filmi names of PENIS.

1-3 yrs = Ankur
4-6 yrs = Masoom
7-12 yrs = Parvarish
13-16 yrs = Parivartan
17-22 yrs = Pyasa
23-35 yrs = Shikari
36-50 yrs = Masterji
51-60 yrs = Kabhi Kabhi
61-75 yrs = Yadein

Broken glasses !

An Indian Army Jawan went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses.

The Captain looked in his book of record and said, "But you just got a new pair last month!"

"Yes sir, b.. bu.. but I got them b.. broken in an accident," stammered the Jawan.

"Accident, what kind of an accident?" The Captain looked in his book of Accident definitions and glossaries, "Road-march accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, drill accident?"

"No, no nothing of those," said the Jawan.

"Well then, what is it?"

"I'd rather not tell you sir..."

"Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses," said the medical officer, ready to stand up.

"I've to see my patients now."

"No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girlfriend," blurted the Jawan.

"Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing a girl?"

"You see she crossed her legs...."

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