You know you're living in the 2010's when: -
1. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you.
4. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
5. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
6. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "0" to get an outside line.
7. Your CV is on a disk in your pocket.
8. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your
9. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
10. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
11. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.
12. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
13. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
AND THE CLINCHERS ARE...
14. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
15. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends"
More Office Jokes
Here is a letter written by an HR executive to his love:
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday).
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation,
A man and his wife went to an office Christmas party, where the man had a little too much to drink. He staggers down the stairs, completely hung over, and makes his way to the breakfast bar.
His wife pours him a cup of coffee.
With his head in his hand, he asks, "Damn, honey. What happened last night?"
She replies, "It wasn't a pretty sight."
He asks, "What do you mean?"
"Well," she replies, "You were not on your best behavior and your boss was extremely upset."
"He was?" he moans.
"Yes," she replies, "He sure was."
"Ahhh, piss on him!" he says.
"You did," she replies. "Honey, you got fired last night."
"I got fired?" he questions.
"Yes," she answers, "You got fired."
"Ahhh, screw him!" he says.
She replies, "I did, you start again Monday morning!"
A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice.
The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, "But why?" he asked.
"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly.
"Look, I'll give you a raise."
"No," she said
"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me."
"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."
Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear it's nature. Look I have it too...."
"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."