A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as
"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife, "I wish you were her."
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as
"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.
The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".
The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?"
The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and You are getting better" at the bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake "You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom".
This is how your proffession can affect you...
DOCTOR: Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.
LAWYER: I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.
BEGGAR: Allah ke nam pe koi ek biwi de de, Doosre ki nahi to apni hi de de, Allah tujhe ek ke badle do dega, Hillery hogi to Monika bhi dega.
BANKER: Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
SHAYER: Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jagi hai, Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye, Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi, To yaroo ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.
BEVDA: Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friends come home only seven times a week. Girl preffered will carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial.
CAR MECHANIC: Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average.
More Hindi Jokes
It's not the fault of the school student if they fail, because the year has only 365 days. Typical academic year for a dull student.
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, which are rest days. Balance 313 days.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Balance 263 days.
3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 30 days. Balance 141 days.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Balance 126 days.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat)-means 30 days. Balance 96 days.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days Balance 81 days.
7. Exam days per year at least 35 days. Balance 46 days.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness at least 3 days. Balance 3 days.
10. Movies and functions at least 2 days. Balance 1 day.
11. That 1 day is your birthday. "How can a student pass?"
1. Mother-in law:
In Des - A women capable of making your life miserable.
In Pardes - A women you never fight with, because where else you will find such a dedicated baby sitter for free?
In Des - A boring human species, who listens more to his mother than you, and orders you around to serve him, his parents and siblings.
In Pardes - Still boring, but now a useful human species that comes in handy when the house needs to be vacuumed.
In Des - A person whose house you can drop into any time of the day or night and you'll always be welcome.
In Pardes - A person who you have to call first to check and make sure he is not busy.
In Des - A woman who gives you your underwear and towel when you go to take a shower.
In Pardes - A woman who yells at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take bath.
In Des - A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market.
In Pardes - A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn.
In Des - A lovely doll, who brings tears to your eyes when her doli is about to leave.
In Pardes - A lovely doll, who brings you to tears long before any doli time.
In Des - A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed.
In Pardes - A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college tuition.
In Des - A person with a respectable job and lots of upper ki kamai.
In Pardes - A person without a secure job, who always dreams one day he will be rich.
In Des - A respectable person with ok income.
In Pardes - A money making machine, who has a money spending machine at home called "doctor ki biwi".
In Des - A vigorous punjabi festival dance.
In Pardes - A desi dance you do, when you don't know how to dance.
12. Software Engineer:
In Des - A high-tech guy, always speaks in American accent, always anxious to queue consulate visa line.
In Pardes - The same hitech guy, who does Ganapati puja everyday, and says 'This is my last year in the US (or wherever)' every year.