Talking Clock

Talking Clock

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the Living Room.

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

"That is the talking clock", the man replied.

"How's does it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

His replied I didnt hear any time!

Suddenly there was a scream from the other side of the wall "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two AM in the morning!

More Funny Jokes

Quietest Place

Whats the quietest place in the world?

The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.

New Definitions

New Definitions

Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Divorce :
Future tense of marriage.

Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...

Dictionary :
A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic :
A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile :
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office :
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn :
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc. :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee :
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb :
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat :
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist :
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Miser :
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father :
A banker provided by nature.

Criminal :
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Psychological Approach

An optician was teching his son how to improve business through the use of the psychological approach.

Son, after you fit the glasses, the customer asks, 'What's the charge'?

You say, "The charge is $10" then pause and watch for the flinch. If the customer does not flinch, you add, "That's for the frames. The lenses will be another ten bucks."

Then you pause again but this time just slightly and again study the reaction. If the customer still does not flinch, you say "Each!"

Show More Funny Jokes

Jokes Categories