A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge. I promised myself that when I got out of the Army, I'd never stand in another line!"
More Funny Jokes
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the Living Room.
"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.
"That is the talking clock", the man replied.
"How's does it work?" the friend asked.
"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.
His replied I didnt hear any time!
Suddenly there was a scream from the other side of the wall "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two AM in the morning!
Whats the quietest place in the world?
The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Future tense of marriage.
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...
A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
A book which people praise, but do not read.
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb :
An invention to end all inventions.
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
A banker provided by nature.
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.