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Cell Phone Man

Cell Phone Man

This guy was in a bar talking to his hand. The bartender came to him and said, "I do not want weirdo's in my bar. I might ask you to leave."

The guy said, "I'm talking to my cell phone. I got tired of carrying my cell phone so I had it imbedded into my hand."

The bartender did not believe him, so the guy had the bartender dial a number and then talked into his hand. The bartender said, "How cool!"

As the evening went on the bar got more crowded. The bartender looked up and noticed the guy was gone but his drink and cigarettes were still there. The bartender got worried and went looking for him.

The bartender went into the bathroom and saw the guy on the floor with his pants down to his knees and a roll of toilet paper up his butt. The bartender asked, "Are you OK? Who did this to you?"

The guy replied, "I'm OK, just waiting for a fax!"




More Bar Jokes

Hand Jobs & Cheese!

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich $ 2.50
Hand Job $10.00

Checking his wallet he finds one single ten dollar bill. He walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am!"

The man replies "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

I'll trust you that you paid

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose."

"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

I Imagine Things

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"

"A mongoose."

"What for?"

"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."

"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."

"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

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