TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
GEORGE: Don't bite any.
Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
George: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
In the smoking-car the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject.
"Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life.
No effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner - a plain dinner, mark my words: after that, an hour's exercise; then ... "
The old geezer was suddenly interrupted by the sarcastic stranger in the corner, "Excuse me, sir, but what were you in prison for??"
More Funny Jokes
TEACHER: Why are you late?
An Anagram, as we all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase.
The following are some exceptional Anagrams!
George Bush :
When you rearrange the letters : He bugs Gore
When you rearrange the letters : Dirty Room
When you rearrange the letters : Evil's Agent
The Morse Code :
When you rearrange the letters : Here Come Dots
Slot Machines :
When you rearrange the letters : Cash Lost in em
When you rearrange the letters : Is No Amity
When you rearrange the letters : Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms :
When you rearrange the letters : Alas! No More Z's
A Decimal Point :
When you rearrange the letters : I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes :
When you rearrange the letters : That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two :
When you rearrange the letters : Twelve plus one
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge. I promised myself that when I got out of the Army, I'd never stand in another line!"