Just for you... with love
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
After you, my love, my only prize
Would be a bullet between my eyes
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
Every time I see your face
I wish I were in outer space
I saw your face as you walked by
but then I saw a better guy
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If it's true, I'd prefer you inside out.
I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
More Funny Jokes
Last month, a survey was conducted by the U.N. worldwide. The only question asked was, "Would you please give your most honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a HUGE failure.
In Africa they did not know what "food" meant.
In Western Europe they did not know what "shortage" meant.
In Eastern Europe they did not know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they did not know what "solution" meant.
In South America they did not know what "please" meant.
In Asia they did not know what "honest" meant.
Down under they did not know anything except sheep.
And in the USA they did not know what "the rest of the world" meant.
In the smoking-car the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject.
"Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life.
No effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner - a plain dinner, mark my words: after that, an hour's exercise; then ... "
The old geezer was suddenly interrupted by the sarcastic stranger in the corner, "Excuse me, sir, but what were you in prison for??"
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
GEORGE: Don't bite any.
Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
George: No, teacher, it's the same dog!