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Special At Church

Special At Church

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.

A few minutes later, a woman comes in and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?"

The woman says, "I committed adultery."

Priest: "How many times?"

Woman: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

Priest: "What did you do?"

Man: "I committed adultery."

Priest:"How many times?"

Man: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves.

A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

Rabbi:"What did you do?"

Woman: "I committed adultery."

Rabbi: "How many times?"

Woman: "Once."

Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."




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Identification

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer were sent for.

Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange.

Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician a bit puzzeled by now asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."

CLAMDIGGER

A young kids in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being.

Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries. She says, "Well, what did you do for love?" He says, "Love? Whats that?" She says, "Ill show you." She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows him one more time. When theyre finally done, she says, "Well, how do you like love?" He says, "Its great. But look what you did to my clam digger."

Strange Laws

Some Strange National Laws in Singapore

* Chewing gum on subways may result in fines and/or jail time.

* The sale of gum is prohibited.

* Homosexuals are not allowed to live in the country.

* As it is considered pornographic, you may not walk around your home nude.

* Failure to flush a public toilet after use may result in very hefty fines.

* It is considered an offense to enter the country with cigarettes.

* Cigarettes are illegal at all public places.

* It is illegal to come within 50 meters of a pedestrian crossing the street.

* If you are convicted of littering three times, you will have to clean the streets on Sundays with a bib on saying, "I am a litterer." This will then be broadcasted on the local news.

* It is illegal to pee in an elevator.

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