A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"
More Lawyer Jokes
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist. Here's what happened:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
This local guy was petitioning the court to have his recent marriage annulled.
"On what grounds?" questioned the Judge,
"This court does not take annulments lightly."
"Non-virginity," replied the quarterback, "When I married her, I thought I was getting a tight end, but instead, I found that I had married a wide receiver."