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Make Sure

Make Sure

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"




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Cork in the Buttock

Two guys are in a locker room after their racquetball game when one guy notices the other has a cork in his buttock. "If you don't mind me saying," said the second, "that cork looks terribly uncomfortable.

Why don't you take it out?" "I can't," lamented the first man.

"It's permanent."

"I don't understand," said the other.

The first guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge man in a turban came oozing out. He said, "I am Hasan the Genie. I can grant you one wish.

And I said "No Shit"

Special At Church

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.

A few minutes later, a woman comes in and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?"

The woman says, "I committed adultery."

Priest: "How many times?"

Woman: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

Priest: "What did you do?"

Man: "I committed adultery."

Priest:"How many times?"

Man: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves.

A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

Rabbi:"What did you do?"

Woman: "I committed adultery."

Rabbi: "How many times?"

Woman: "Once."

Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."

Identification

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer were sent for.

Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange.

Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician a bit puzzeled by now asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."

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