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Bathroom Graffiti

Bathroom Graffiti

bathroom graffiti # 1
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Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.


bathroom graffiti # 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here I sit
What a caper
I have to shit
But I'm out of paper


bathroom graffiti # 3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted


bathroom graffiti # 4
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!


bathroom graffiti # 5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.


bathroom graffiti # 6
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...




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Where is my father?

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived.

The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This", he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".

At which a Clever Guy stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Ultimate Computer's microphone. "Where is my father"? he asked.

There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out. On it were printed the words "Fishing off Florida". Clever Dick laughed. "Actually", he said, "my father is dead"! It had been a tricky question!!

The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?

Clever Dick thought, went to the Ultimate Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband"?

Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words: "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida.

Make Sure

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"

Cork in the Buttock

Two guys are in a locker room after their racquetball game when one guy notices the other has a cork in his buttock. "If you don't mind me saying," said the second, "that cork looks terribly uncomfortable.

Why don't you take it out?" "I can't," lamented the first man.

"It's permanent."

"I don't understand," said the other.

The first guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge man in a turban came oozing out. He said, "I am Hasan the Genie. I can grant you one wish.

And I said "No Shit"

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