In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR-THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district.
The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"
The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.
More Funny Jokes
In an office:
The majority of students in universities today were born in 1983...
They are called "youth".
They have never heard of "We are the World, we are the Children..."
And the "Uptown Girl" they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel.
For them, there have always been only one Germany and only one Vietnam.
AIDS exists since they were born.
CDs exist since they were born.
Michael Jackson is already whitened.
John Travolta is always round in shape and they can't imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance.
They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are just new films out last year.
They can never imagine a black and white screen for a computer. They don't know Pac-Man.
They can't believe a black and white television ever existed and they don't even know how to switch on a TV without a remote control.
And they never understand how could we go out without a mobile phone when we were in university...
Let's check if we're getting old...
1. You understand what was written above and you smile.
2. You need to sleep more, until afternoon, after a night out.
3. Your friends are getting married.
4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computer.
5. When you see teenagers with mobile phones, you shake your head.
6. You develop more and more feelings about your work. It's now your life.
7. You spend less and less time talking on phone with your friends daily.
8. You meet your friends from time to time, talking about the good old days, repeating again and again all funny stories your experienced together.
9. Having read this, you are thinking of forwarding it to some other friends. You think they will like it too...
Twists given to jfk's statements in different countries:
Don't ask what your country can do for you. Just leave.
Don't ask what your country can do for you. You don't need to.
Don't ask what your country can do for you. You will never get the answer.
Don't ask what your country can do for you. Ask USA.
Don't ask what your country can do for you. You will be embarassed.