George:I am really worried.
John : Why?
George: Well, My wife read "A Tale of Two Cities" and we had TWINS, Later she read "The Three Musketeers" and we had TRIPLETS. Now she is reading "Birth of a Nation".
Valentine to Osama Bin Laden
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that may be we're not all bad, and may be start loving people a little bit. And, if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot.
And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."
More Funny Jokes
George:I am really worried.
A beggar stood in front of a restaurant with a hat in each hand.
A man passing by got curious and asked, "Why do you have two hats?"
The beggar said, "Business is so good, I've opened a branch office."
Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is dangerous.
It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take
offs you've made.
There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.