Good Advice From Kids
"Never trust a dog to watch your food."
-- Patrick, age 10
"When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?'
-- Hannah, age 9
Never tell your Mom her diet's not working."
-- Michael, age 14
"Stay away from prunes."
-- Randy, age 9
"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to."
-- Emily, age 10
"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."
-- Taylia, age 11
"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment."
-- Traci, age 14
"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac."
-- Andrew, age 9
"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time."
-- Kyoyo, age 11
"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."
-- Naomi, age 15
"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick."
-- Lauren, age 9
"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."
-- Joel, age 10
"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone."
-- Alyesha, age 13
More Funny Jokes
* Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
* Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
* Why don't you ever see the headline! "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
* Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
* Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
* Why is it that to stop Windows 98/XP, you have to click on "Start"?
* Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
* Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
* Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
* Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
* When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
* Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
* Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
* Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
* If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Three ants are standing in a row.
* The first ant says two ants are standing behind me.
* The second ant says one is in front of me and one is behind me.
* The third ant says two are standing in front of me and two are standing behind me.
How is it possible?
A:) The third ant is a liar!!
Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend : Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a lawyer, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.
Tom: How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David : You just send a telegram : Result declared, past year's performance repeated.
Teacher : George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?
Student : Because George still had the axe in his hand.