Good Advice From Kids

Good Advice From Kids

"Never trust a dog to watch your food."
-- Patrick, age 10

"When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?'
Don't answer."
-- Hannah, age 9

Never tell your Mom her diet's not working."
-- Michael, age 14

"Stay away from prunes."
-- Randy, age 9

"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to."
-- Emily, age 10

"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."
-- Taylia, age 11

"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment."
-- Traci, age 14

"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac."
-- Andrew, age 9

"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time."
-- Kyoyo, age 11

"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."
-- Naomi, age 15

"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick."
-- Lauren, age 9

"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."
-- Joel, age 10

"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone."
-- Alyesha, age 13

More Funny Jokes

Ever Wonder

* Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

* Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

* Why don't you ever see the headline! "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

* Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

* Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

* Why is it that to stop Windows 98/XP, you have to click on "Start"?

* Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

* Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

* Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

* Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

* When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

* Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

* Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

* Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

* If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

How is it possible?

Three ants are standing in a row.

* The first ant says two ants are standing behind me.

* The second ant says one is in front of me and one is behind me.

* The third ant says two are standing in front of me and two are standing behind me.

How is it possible?

A:) The third ant is a liar!!

Funny Conversation

Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend : Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a lawyer, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.

Tom: How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David : You just send a telegram : Result declared, past year's performance repeated.

Teacher : George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?
Student : Because George still had the axe in his hand.

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