The Newly Weds
A mother had three daughters and on their wedding she asked each one of them to write home and tell her about their married life.
The first wrote back on the second day. The letter arrived with a single message, "Maxwell Coffee-house". The mother is confused but finally noticed a Maxwell coffee ad, and it said: "Satisfaction to the last drop", so the Mother was happy.
The second daughter got married and after a week she sent home her reply. The message read; "Rothmans". So the mother looks for the Rothmans ad, and it says; "LIFE SIZE, KINGSIZE". And Mother is happy.
Then it was the third one's wedding. Mother was anxious. It took 4 weeks for a message to come through. When it did the message was simply "BRITISH AIRWAYS". Mother was so concerned. She frantically went through all the newspapers at home looking for a BA ad. She found one and fainted.
The ad read: "TWO TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS"!
More Marriage Jokes
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.
Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry.
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry.
She immediately replies, The one in the middle.
That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?
I don't like her.
Dan married one of a pair of identical twins. Less than a year later he was in court filing for a divorce.
"Tell the court why you want a divorce," the judge said.
"Well, Your Honor," Dan started, "every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are identical, sometimes I'd end up making love to her by mistake."
"Surely there must be some difference between the two women," the judge said.
"Exactly, Your Honor. That's why I want the divorce!"