TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were
deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you
recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one.
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the
facts about the three leading candidates.
Candidate A -
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B -
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C -
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler!
And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question: If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
More Funny Jokes
There was once a pirate who led his ship across the sea, with his shipmates and other crew members onboard. Every now and again, other ships would come in the way of theirs and they would battle it out to see who is the most powerful.
The thing that puzzled the shipmates the most was that every time they came to battle, the pirate would always ask for his red shirt.
So one day, one of the shipmates decided to ask the pirate his reason for always wearing his red shirt whilst in battle. Upon his questioning, the pirate's reply was..."Well, in the case that I get injured while fighting, as the shirt is red, you will not be able to see the blood, and therefore you can carry on fighting without being distracted."
The shipmate thought this was a fairly clever reason for him wearing the red shirt, and carried on about his business on the ship.
A few days later, the shipmate cleaning up on the upper-deck, when suddenly 100's of ships caught his eye, and they were coming right towards their ship. Instantly, he ran in the direction of the pirate, to warn him of the unfortunate news.
Once informing the pirate, he asked him whether he should get his red shirt now. In return the pirate replied with a nervous look upon his face..."No, this time get my brown trousers!"
"Never trust a dog to watch your food."
-- Patrick, age 10
"When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?'
-- Hannah, age 9
Never tell your Mom her diet's not working."
-- Michael, age 14
"Stay away from prunes."
-- Randy, age 9
"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to."
-- Emily, age 10
"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."
-- Taylia, age 11
"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment."
-- Traci, age 14
"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac."
-- Andrew, age 9
"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time."
-- Kyoyo, age 11
"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."
-- Naomi, age 15
"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick."
-- Lauren, age 9
"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."
-- Joel, age 10
"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone."
-- Alyesha, age 13
* Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
* Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
* Why don't you ever see the headline! "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
* Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
* Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
* Why is it that to stop Windows 98/XP, you have to click on "Start"?
* Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
* Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
* Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
* Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
* When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
* Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
* Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
* Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
* If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?