Transfering Germs

Transfering Germs

Teacher: Believe it or not, whenever a boy kisses a girl he pass transfers on 60,000 germs to the girl. So what do you think you should do?

A girl raises her hand.

Girl: Madam, I believe that we should return their germs in the same manner.

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I want to get screwed

The traveller knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.

"I want to get screwed," said the man.

"OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice. The man did this, the panel was closed, minutes passed. Nothing happened. He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open.

"Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!"

"What?" said the voice, "Again?"

Brighter Side

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse."

To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.

One day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then shot himself!"

"That's awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."

"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?"

"Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I'd be shot dead by now!"

Share Market

New Markets

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

MOMENTUM INVESTING -- The fine art of buying high and selling low.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

"BUY, BUY" -- A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS XP -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- Religious guy who talks to God.

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