Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody
This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.
More Office Jokes
The Saga Of Management Review Of Writing Style
Question: How many feet do mice have?
Original Reply: Mice have four feet.
Management's Comment: Elaborate!
Revision 1: Mice have five appendages, and four of them are feet.
Management's Comment: No discussion of 5th appendage!
Revision 2: Mice have five appendages; four of them are feet; one is a tail.
Management's Comment: What? Feet with no legs?
Revision 3: Mice have four legs, four feet, and one tail per unit-mouse.
Management's Comment: Confusing. Is that a total of 9 appendages?
Revision 4: Mice have four leg-foot assemblies and one tail assembly per body.
Management's Comment: Does not fully discuss the issue!
Revision 5: Each mouse comes equipped with four legs and a tail. Each leg is equipped with a foot at the end opposite the body; the tail is not equipped with a foot.
Management's Comment: Descriptive? Yes. Forceful No!
Revision 6: Allotment of appendages for mice will be: Four foot-leg assemblies, one tail. Deviation from this policy is not permitted as it would constitute misapportionment of scarce appendage assets.
Management's Comment: Too authoritarian; stifles creativity!
Revision 7: Mice have four feet; each foot is attached to a small leg joined integrally with the overall mouse structural sub-system. Also attached to the mouse sub-system is a thin tail, non-functional and ornamental in nature.
Management's Comment: Too verbose/scientific. Answer the question!
Final Revision Approved By Management: Mice have four feet.
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says:
"The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars".
"Why does the parrot cost so much?" the customer asks.
The owner says, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."
The customer asks about the next parrot and is told "That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system."
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and is told "That one costs 2,000 dollars."
Needless to say this begs the question "What can IT do?"
To which the owner replies "To be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!"
Things Not To Put In A Resume Cover Letter
1. I'm really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good.
2. I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for has since closed down.
3. I'll kill myself if I don't get a job.
4. I know where you live.
5. Any sentence beginning with "I was recently acquitted."
6. I'm really tall, so I think I'd be well suited to this job.
7. Happy faces.
8. By the way, I understand that you have unmarried daughters.
9. My turn-ons include...
10. I'm confident that I'll get this job.
Things Not To Say At An Interview
When you are asked, "Do you have any questions?", do not ask:
Do you have a lot of single nubile women/men working here?
Do you have full Internet access?
What are my chances at getting a sunny corner office?
What do you expect to gain by employing me?
What will be the color of my company car?
When can I start?