Rest Room Policy
To: All Employees
Subj: Restroom Policy
In the past, employees have been permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective January 1, 1995, a Restroom Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of employees.
Under the policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip credit of twenty (20) trips. Restroom Trip credits can be accumulated from month to month.
Within two weeks, the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of December, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the Material Department. The voice print recognition stations will be operational but not restrictive for the month of January. Employees should acquaint themselves with the station during that period.
If the employee's Restroom Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper toll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three (3) minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty (30) seconds after the alarm sounds the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.
The picture will then be posted on the Distribution Center Bulletin Boards. Anyone's picture showing up three (3) times will be immediately terminated. If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your immediate supervisor. They have all received advance instruction.
Thank you and have a nice day,
More Office Jokes
It is now and always has been the policy of this department to assure its students that they are well educated. Through our Special High Intensity Training program (SHIT), we have given our students more SHIT than any other college in the area.
If any student feels that he or she could advance to another college by taking more SHIT, see the department chairperson.
Our teachers are specially trained to assure that students will get all the SHIT that they can handle.
Any individual who feels he or she has nor received sufficient Special High Intensity Training, tell your teacher, so he/she can put you at the top of the SHIT list.
This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.
The Saga Of Management Review Of Writing Style
Question: How many feet do mice have?
Original Reply: Mice have four feet.
Management's Comment: Elaborate!
Revision 1: Mice have five appendages, and four of them are feet.
Management's Comment: No discussion of 5th appendage!
Revision 2: Mice have five appendages; four of them are feet; one is a tail.
Management's Comment: What? Feet with no legs?
Revision 3: Mice have four legs, four feet, and one tail per unit-mouse.
Management's Comment: Confusing. Is that a total of 9 appendages?
Revision 4: Mice have four leg-foot assemblies and one tail assembly per body.
Management's Comment: Does not fully discuss the issue!
Revision 5: Each mouse comes equipped with four legs and a tail. Each leg is equipped with a foot at the end opposite the body; the tail is not equipped with a foot.
Management's Comment: Descriptive? Yes. Forceful No!
Revision 6: Allotment of appendages for mice will be: Four foot-leg assemblies, one tail. Deviation from this policy is not permitted as it would constitute misapportionment of scarce appendage assets.
Management's Comment: Too authoritarian; stifles creativity!
Revision 7: Mice have four feet; each foot is attached to a small leg joined integrally with the overall mouse structural sub-system. Also attached to the mouse sub-system is a thin tail, non-functional and ornamental in nature.
Management's Comment: Too verbose/scientific. Answer the question!
Final Revision Approved By Management: Mice have four feet.