Me vs My Boss

Me vs My Boss

Job Schizophrenia

When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don't do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When I do it without being told, I'm trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, that's brown-nosing.
When my boss pleases his boss, that's co-operating.

When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.

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Responsible Employee

Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

At Work

The 10 If's You Need To Know To Get Along At Work

1) If it rings, put it on hold.
2) If it clunks, call the repairman.
3) If it whistles, ignore it.
4) If it's a friend, stop work and chat.
5) If it's the Boss, look busy.
6) If it talks, take notes.
7) If it's handwritten, type it.
8) if it's typed, copy it.
9) If it's copied, file it.
10) If it's Friday, FORGET IT!!!

New Element: Administratium

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by physicists at the Naval Research Laboratory. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 126 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally occur in less than one second.

Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead, undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic weight actually increases after such reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations and universities, and can actually be found in the newest, best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration, can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate, and recommend plenty of fluids and bed rest after even low levels of exposure. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

I also hear that the reaction of Administratium with another new element, TQMium, is fairly unstable. Sometimes chemical bonding occurs and a new improved compound is formed. Other times the reaction is more violent with excessive amounts of heat and darkness being generated and the Administratium remaining unchanged. It is believed that these differences have some relationship to the number of "holes" in the support provided by the various neutrons. Scientists are looking into them.

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