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Personal Business

Personal Business

"Your salary is your personal business," a boss told his newest executive, " and it shouldn't be disclosed to anyone."

"I can't dream of telling anyone about it ." said the employee "I'm as ashamed of it as you are!"




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Caught sleeping at your desk

Ten best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...

1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."

Letter of Recommendation

The following letter of recommendation was sent to a second-line manager:

While working with Mr. Sriram, I have always found him
working studiously and sincerely at his table without idling or
gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time. He will always be
deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
found chit-chatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound
knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be
classed as outstanding, and should on no account be
dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Sriram should be
pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to administration be
sent as soon as possible.

Sd/-

Branch Manager



A second letter soon followed:

SRIRAM WAS PRESENT WHEN I WAS WRITING THE REPORT
MAILED TO YOU TODAY. KINDLY READ ONLY THE ALTERNATE
LINES 1,3,5,7,... FOR MY TRUE ASSESSMENT OF HIM.

REGARDS,

Sd/-

Branch Manager

Directors Meeting

The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing,
"All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign.'"

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