What time we quit?
As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive called his newly hired assistant into his office. "Do you know what time we quit around here?" he asked.
"Sure !" the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody knocks on the door."
More Office Jokes
Due to the Current financial situation, our Management has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers over 30 on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early). Personnel selected for RAPE can apply to our Management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme(Special Help After Retirement). Personnel who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme for Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED Only once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Personnel who have been RAPED can apply to the Vice President (Works) to get AIDS (Additional Income for Retired Personnel or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, personnel who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.
Person staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives itsstaff. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring it to the attention of your manager. He has been trained to give you as much SHIT as you can handle.
Sd/- Vice President (Works)
As salesman was assigned to secure an important client but failed in his mission. He faxed his secretary and asked her to break the news indirectly to his boss. His note read, "Failed in securing client, prepare the boss."
He received the following fax from his secretary: "The boss is prepared... prepare yourself."
This is what I call three perfect answers... If questioned
1. What would I like to change in your work?
A. MY BOSS
2. What would I like to change in my office?
A. Everything leaving me
3. What I like the most in my office?
A. Nothing leaving me